301 ~ Reflections

Organ Donor

when i think of you,
i think of how spineless you are;
and when I think of that
i dream of ripping out your backbone

when i think of you,
i think of how heartless you are;
and when i think of that
i dream of gouging your heart from your chest

when i think of you,
i think of how much of a liar you are;
and when i think of that
i dream of slicing your vocal chords

it’s the best i could do
to return the favor
for what you have done

you don’t need those parts anyway
i’m just replacing what you broke in me
my strength, my heart, my voice

☻

Circa 2007. This is how I used to write, not very pretty now is it? But it’s a good reminder to myself to never fall down that black hole again.

So is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause I’ve seen more spine on jellyfish
I’ve seen more guts on eleven-year-old kids

5150Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there’s ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seat belt
and again when your head goes through the windshield

51 thoughts on “301 ~ Reflections

  1. Dear me….Britt all I see here is your pain. The song is fun, especially the slow part you have quoted from……and yes, for me, even the poem. Cos as you know, the darker side works for me….take care of yourself xx

    • Since I had mentioned my style of writing used to be different and I was too tired to come up with something new, I retyped this old trip down memory lane. The song is fun! In an angry kind of way, lol. And yes, the darker side does work for you. xx

      • Now I understand…..and yes, I have had a hellish weel at work, just feel like crying but now it is over…..and I feel the better for that.

  2. Oh my! I’d better take that baseball bat before you hurt someone! πŸ˜‰

    It’s good to see the more positive happy side of you now but it is good to see the contrast.

    I usually don’t actually hate other people, I am more of self loather so I can’t completely relate to this but I do understand a little.

    Keep it green, Britt!

    • Hahahaha. No, the baseball bat is only for you my dear GE πŸ˜‰

      It wasn’t so much hate as it was just pure rage. Funny how you can love someone so much it just breaks your spirit when they disregard your feelings and hurt you. I was definitely afraid of relationships at that point, but I’m glad I had met someone that turned that around.

      • Oh dear. I’d better behave. πŸ˜€

        I don’t know if I have ever truly loved someone like that to be honest. I would like to, except for the raging out bit… I can pass over that.

        • Just keep up your daily posts, and it’ll be all good ^_^

          I was young and naive. Things are rough when your hormones are raging and it’s your first love and you give it your all, just to see it fall apart.

          I wouldn’t feel that way now, as I have learned to just let things go. If it was meant to happen, I wouldn’t have to try so hard to keep it together. πŸ™‚

  3. Pretty angry stuff! Glad you no longer feel that way. Here’s wishing you an awesome day! πŸ™‚

  4. Wow, great job capturing the anger that can accompany a broken heart! Many people assume its only sadness but I’ve felt exactly like this poem before , in fact I have written a few like this myself haha!

    • I know right? People assume depression would hit and the tears would fall. But I would decree an all out war. LOL. Good, I was hoping I wasn’t rare in the fact that I could feel like this at some point in my life, or even write about it. I was hesitant on posting my old poetry and journal entries because I was unsure of how it would be accepted. It’s easy to like someone that is full of happiness and sunshine all the time, but to write of tragedies… some people don’t want to be brought down or read it. Perhaps because it is reflection of their feelings that they don’t want to acknowledge.

      • Well you are certainly not alone, many people have felt this way whether they admit it or not is another thing entirely. I would agree, there are so many “shiny, happy people” who run at the slightest hint of darker emotions. To each their own but I think that attitude is very immature, there is so much one can gain from sharing their pain with others. Just writing it down is therapeutic but sharing it with people who can relate can lead to helpful advice but at the very least some much needed empathy and compassion! I say share what you want be it happy or otherwise, if people don’t want to read it or don’t like it then that’s their problem and is no way a reflection of your writing.

  5. With Brand New all I can think of is one of the saddest songs ever….Play Crack the Sky.

  6. Remind me not to get on your bad side……

    I liked it. being angry, hurt, in pain etc can lead to some great stuff. I think because while not emotions that you want to feel they can be pretty intense! You are braver than me, I have stuff in the same mold but haven’t put any of it up. Well done you πŸ™‚

    • Being betrayed by someone you love can light a different kind of flame in my heart. I used to think that my best writing could only come from pain, but this blog has proven me wrong. ^_^

      Yes, I had doubts about posting it. But I scheduled it to post when I went to bed so I couldn’t change my mind! LOL.

  7. No judging, my darling.
    I envy your guts, indeed.
    I understand these dark feelings. It doesn’t change you or make you less valuable.
    We are creative souls who need to push the envelope. Creative freedom should be honored and put on the highest pedestal.

    • Thank you my lovely.

      I did have my doubts in posting this, but it seems as if it’s not so bad. People aren’t too scared to see the darker side of me, and that is incredibly reassuring.

      Well said on the creative freedom.

  8. It does sound like you were pretty mad at someone at the point of writing that one! It’s creatively expressive though! πŸ™‚ I see a lot of poetry like this on blogs. Some you can tell the writer is very p***** off about some major event in their life (usually relationships gone wrong!) Other times I think it’s an exciting obsession some people have with ugly hate ridden words, and just how they can spill onto a page! The fact that someone comes and likes it, is a bonus! There are a number of writers on Jottify who write occasional hair brained full on swearing rant poems. Sometimes it goes down well, all in good humour, and other times it just fall flat on it’s ugly face! πŸ™‚

    I wrote some angry poems when I was a teenager. I was mainly angry at the school system, and how I felt young people were being forced to all turn out the same – and I wasn’t having it! I’ve probably still got them somewhere. If your angry it’s not a bad thing to write it down, no matter what it looks like to anyone else. It’s good to know you got over this angry phase, and like me, moved on to more effective ways to express your frustration – it’s better to write it than to bottle it all up inside your head. πŸ™‚

    • I was let down. When you put your heart, faith and trust in someone and they turn out to be something completely different… it does something to you. Well to me in this case. But it is all over now, and it changed me for the better.

      I would like to see those angry poems Suzy πŸ™‚

      And yes, it is better to write it down than to bottle it up inside. I think that’s where people turn into volcanoes and burn from the inside out.

  9. I’ve found it cathartic to pour out raw emotions on the page like you have done here. In some ways it gets the darkness out of us and locks it on the page. I think it is healthy. Continue to write fearlessly.

    • I’m slowly learning that it is okay. At times I felt the rage consume me, but it was a healing process, and it helped to eliminate the hurt I felt. Writing things down does wonders.

  10. I like the repeating technique, FT Girl–and I dunno, it’s edgy–and the maiming of missing body parts is downright interesting! But I know what you mean…better to write “once upon a time” or “happily ever after”….you know what I mean…

  11. I can currently relate. They leave you with questions and hurt, Glad you shared. I think it’s a much less violent way to vent πŸ˜‰

    • People need to think before they act. Even though this happened years ago, this serves as a constant reminder to never fully give my heart or trust to someone until I know that they deserve it.

      • Gosh you sound like me, ha. It’s crazy how what once hurt us terribly, now makes us wiser. Concerning that last thing you said I felt the same way. But then once the relationship started I was scared that if I didn’t open myself up I may risk closing myself off to the possibilities.

        • This is true. But I do prefer to dip my toes in before I fully submerge, and I let the guy know what’s up so he won’t be left wondering if I’m going to be like that through the entire relationship. If he likes me enough to stick around and find out the rest, great. If he doesn’t respect me and my feelings, then he wasn’t the right one. πŸ™‚ Same with your past two situations. If they don’t respect the need for communicating, then something is wrong.

          And I dunno if poetry is something I can teach ^_^ You just write how you’re feeling, lol.

  12. That’s a good way to be. Assertive and safe. I guess I was just plain scared. I was scared to submerge myself and I was also scared to dip my toe in fear of not taking a chance. I need to you to slap some sense into me, ha. I have this sometimes crippling tenacity to never give up, so I sometimes want to MAKE things work regardless of myself which is no bueno.

    And if I just write how I’m feeling it becomes a sentence or a paragraph, not poetry πŸ™‚

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