37 ~ A Daddy’s Letter to his Little Girl About Her Future Husband

Saw this article on Viral Nova and had to share.

Dear Cutie-Pie,

Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.”

It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.

And I got angry.

Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.”

Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)

If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.

Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be keptinterested, because he knows you are interesting:

I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.

I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.

I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.

I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.

I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.

I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.

I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.

In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:

You.

Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you.

Your eternally interested guy,

Daddy

Never change the core of who you are in order to receive love.

39 thoughts on “37 ~ A Daddy’s Letter to his Little Girl About Her Future Husband

  1. Wow, this was amazing!!! Thanks for sharing Britt, it’s so true because that’s exactly how I feel about my girl, I’m always interested no matter what she does!

          • Same here. I saw what my Mom went through, so I don’t depend on men for anything. Every once in a while I hear myself saying “I wish I were married.” because we all have days when we want a partner to help us with the shit we simply cannot do, especially on the days when we truly cannot get out of bed for health reasons. I’d rather have emotional support right now than someone who thinks he can buy me off and behave however he wants. That’s unattractive to me.

            • She saw what her mom when through too, so she passed that lesson onto me. It’s funny, today in the break room at work all the ladies were talking about their men troubles. Almost all told me to never get married – that it wasn’t worth it. One lady read my palm and said that I will experience a lot of heartbreak and that I will have a partner but will never get married, and if I ever want to have a kid that I will have problems with conceiving. This didn’t help my spirits with the recent cheating guy, and I haven’t told anyone about it at work. But some days, I do think of maybe wanting to get married in the future. I too, would rather have emotional support over someone financially stable but treated me like crap.

              • Things are so different in the 21st century then they were for our parents and Grandparents. My Grandparents grew up together and were high school sweethearts. They were together for well over 40 years. That’s damn near unheard of now. A marriage that lasts 7-10 years is considered “a really long time” now. It’s not. It might seem like it though, depending on who your life partner is.
                My Mom used to say, God Rest & Bless Her Soul, that I was “the new and improved version” of her. In many respects, she was right. I’m just nowhere near as laid back or has kind as my mother was. Life has shown me that too much kindness isn’t necessary, and that people have to earn a lot if they want to be a part of my life.

                Please don’t read anything into a palm reading that isn’t done by a professional, and even then, take it with a spoonful of salt and a handful of sugar. I had mine done a long time ago and thus far, only certain things have come to pass. The only person who knows what was said was the person who went with me, and I know she’s long since forgotten half of what the palm reader told me, but I’ll pretty much never forget that experience.

                I’m still enraged over the cheating guy, which is why I haven’t said anything about it. I want to HURT him. I have no idea how their brains work or why they think they can pull the kind of shit that they do. They all seem to forget that they can be replaced.

                There are all kinds of advancements now if one does have trouble conceiving (I worry about this a lot.). Besides, what’s meant to be will be, you just have to be patient and let it happen. Good things will come, you’re on the right path, you’re focusing on positive things, and you’re a strong, modern woman. If you want something or someone, you’ll get it.

                I hope you had a great holiday! TTYS doll! *big hug*

                • Things are very different. Read this article last night and almost all the comments.

                  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/26/open-marriage-_n_4345000.html

                  I guess to stop people from cheating, you should just have an open marriage and many relationships. *rolls eyes* It made me sick last night.

                  As for cheating dude, he never put his pictures back up online – hasn’t even been on. I was surprised. Jp was joking that he’s probably devastated right now and crying alone in his room, lol. But hey, he lost a good thing and he’ll never meet a woman like me again. ^_^ What’s strange is that the night I ended things with him, another ex sent me a message saying he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about me. I never responded. My philosophy is: be the best and most fabulous person you can be and always do the right thing. Be unforgettable and if they mess up, they’ll feel the loss of your presence in their life.

                  We shall see what the future holds, Lisa. 😉 *big hugs*

                  • I know people that are into polyamory, and I’m like “More power to you if you can do that and everyone is fine with it.”, but that’s not how I’m built and obviously you & I agree there. It’s hard enough having a relationship with ONE person, and honestly, that’s all I ever care to manage. Everyone is entitled to what works for them, so long as they aren’t harming anyone. It’s not my deal though, not at all.

                    I believe in having an honest relationship with open lines of communication, but I don’t believe in bringing other people into that relationship. That’s not how I roll. I don’t care what works for others, I care about what works for me and the man I’m with. If a guy even just jokingly says something to me along those lines, he’s going to get told off. I think a lot of women are beautiful, witty, intelligent, fantastic human beings, but I have no desire to be in a relationship with them beyond friendship. I feel the same way about some guys. They can be lovely as all hell, but would I want to be in a relationship with them? No. I’m a one person at a time kind of gal. I’m totally on the same page with you there.

                    I try not to judge people at all, but I think we can both agree that we CAN be judgmental where it pertains to polyamory, cheating, etc. It does feel like cheating to me, except that they’re all in ‘relationships’ with one another. That’s too much emotional balance for me. I cannot deal with all those different personalities and issues, etc. It’s hard enough with one person, I don’t see how adding others in to the mix makes it easier or “harmonious”. It’s mind-boggling, I’ll give you that.

                    I too believe something similar. I’ve often been told “I’ve never met anyone like you before.” And my response is usually the same “They broke the mold when they made me, dear.”, which is true. LOL. I believe in self-respect and in carrying myself with dignity. I believe that if you carry yourself like a Queen, you eventually attract the right King. Like you, I am willing to wait for the right person to share my life with. Not every guy you or I see will be “it”. Not every boyfriend will be “the one”. I just wish I didn’t often feel like I was wasting my time in waiting, ya know?

                    Talk to you soon doll!! *hugs*

  2. This is so good Britt, thanks for posting that – a little bit of brightness in a dull world! 🙂 I’ve never really understood articles about how to keep your man interested. You don’t see articles about how to keep your friends interested (not generally anyway) and a close friendship is to some extent very similar. You are friends with your friends because you like each other, or in some cases love each other. This keeping your man happy thing is very ‘Stepford wife’ thinking and it’s unreal – for plastic people with plastic relationships! And it applies to men too – why should a man have to be constantly keeping her happy or interested? If she’s not interested, then he shouldn’t waste time being with her.

    To me, a real relationship should be based on friendship, and the romance can come a bit later, and it will if it’s genuine. But we humans have this attraction to romance like moths have to lights in the dark. As lovely as it seems to be, sadly just as the moth finds the light or flame it’s attracted to might kill it, so might romance kill something in us. I wish it wasn’t like that, but I’ve yet to see it proved to me it isn’t. Maybe some people just get lucky, and they find both at the same time – that would be heavenly!!!♥

    This is very timely this piece. The book I’m writing at the moment is about a single Father and his daughter, the little girl is going to grow up as the story moves on. So there might be some inspiration for that story in this advice! You must have read my mind again!! 😉

    • When Jp sent this to me, I teared up a little because I too have seen the plethora of articles and it just astounds me. And yes, it does go both ways but you see many more links for women and how to keep a man happy or interested. I say F*** that. Excuse my language but really… whatever happened to courtship and men vying for a woman’s attention and love? Is romance and chivalry really dead or was that not even real to begin with because I’ve seen attempts at it but there were ulterior motives in the act.

      My profile on these dating websites were written as such – I wanted a best friend, first and foremost. Romance, love, whatever would fall later in place but it seems as if everyone wants instant gratification these days and aren’t willing to work on the foundation.

      I’m really starting to believe that you and I keep connecting on the same wavelength, and I find it fascinating and wonderful. ♥

      • I hate to say this Britt, but I feel largely that romance and chivalry probably never were real. Maybe for a very few on this planet it is, but I think it’s rare. My Mum and Dad went through all the lovely romance stage in the 50’s (buckets of romance and chivalry around then) watching wonderful films, beautiful dance halls and late night cappuccino’s in cafés is glorious London where they lived. But real life, and the marrying of two separate minds and ideas is a difficult thing, even a couple like my parents who were genuinely in love, found that sometimes even love isn’t enough to keep everything rosy and romantic. I think they got quite a shock when they got married!

        I’m not sure about these dating websites either. I know a few people who have met people that way, but only one who has actually met anyone half decent and has ended up married, but what I’m hearing now, doesn’t sound so good. The woman he’s married to sounds like she and her family are slowly turning against him, putting him down way too much. The poor man works non stop helping his disabled wife, and he now has a lot of health problems too, but no-one is interested in the fact that he may not be able to cope with it all if he gets much worse. It’s starting to look to me like she went on that dating website to find someone purely to look after her, and now he’s showing signs that he might not be able to, she’s starting to reject him. Horrible thought, but it doesn’t surprise me really, dating websites are full of people looking for someone for selfish reasons. And also a lot of married people who hope to get away with an affair – they rarely do of course, it normally gets revealed in the end. So trying to find someone like yourself, will probably be like finding the needle in the haystack, it will be there – but where!!!? 😐

        Have you thought about joining a hiking club or some other social club? As long as it’s something you enjoy, you’d be having fun and meeting people in general, and you never know, you might meet someone with similar interests to yourself. Might be worth a try! 🙂

        • Yes, it is rare but I still believe in it and I know there are others that do too. And I know relationships aren’t easy – they take A LOT of work, a lot of compromising, a lot of self-restraint to act upon certain desires, etc… but it is what I want and I don’t think I’ll be truly happy until I find it. It can last a month or several years, who knows really. The ex I was with for close to 6 years was a romantic and monogamist. We had the same ideals but there were certain things we couldn’t overcome. So there are other factors involved besides all the mushy, cuddly stuff.

          As for the dating websites, I know of a few successful stories. One was a co-worker and him and his girlfriend just recently moved in together. Another female co-worker met her bf on a site and he proposed last year. This too is rare. And you’re correct in that many people are on there for selfish reasons, or married guys trying to have affairs. But whose to say a guy I accidentally meet in real life doesn’t have a profile or doing something shady on the side? I discussed this with another WordPresser and the main thing is trust. No matter who, where, how you meet.

          I have thought of joining a book or hiking club but that would involve more of my schedule than I can give at the moment due to work and the holidays. For now, as to not sour Christmas and New Years by meeting any more jerks, I’m just going to keep to myself, lol.

And the wind whispers...

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